Anonymous asked: Dear Fleyrm,
What gives?
Sincerely,
Chelsea Clinton
Dearest Chelsea,
I was screamed at in sign language. It was NOT beautiful. It shook me to my core.
My life is a blank canvas right now and I don’t know when the next brush stroke will be, but when it happens, it will be colourful, luxurious, and most of all beautiful… not angry and wet and teaching a free course at Bramsonort.
Treat yourself today with a warm bath, some rejuvenation salts from your local apothecary, and your favorite songs playing lightly on your iPod. Don’t worry if your iPod falls in the tub with you, as the shock is mild and they are relatively inexpensive to replace.
Courtney Austen Brown
I have a small confession to make. I absolutely love television! I know, it’s weird, but I just can’t get enough of it (when I am not in Courtney-Kraftbox or working on thought designs, natch!) I love to watch style shows like American Dress Hunters, reality shows like Celebrity Butt Race, and late night infomercials like the PunchPunch (the 3-hole punch you can punch!)
My televisual afinity will sometimes catch up with my body, and my eyes pay the price. Staying up late watching television, and then waking a mere 3 hours later can lead to eye puffiness, dark circles, or—in my case—a severe combination of the two. I have a severe case of hereditary periorbital puffiness and colorings that can look as if I’ve been given two black eyes. These unsightly purple bulges led a lot of my private school chums calling me Punching Bag Brown. That, and the punchings they would administer. It can also affect my professional life now! Take it from me, black eyes make it hard to impress clients at a power breakfast at Power Breakfast (located on 96th and Holland Ave.) After my Lifesperiment™ to stay in bed for a full day, I looked like I had been struck by serveral boxers during several boxing matches.
What to do? What to do? Fear not, fleyrmers! Today, I will share with you some tips on how to reduce these unattractive genetic blemishes, and keep you looking beautiful and radiant on even the most meager amounts of sleep.
Savor every bite of every meal. If you forget to savor your meal, order a second! You only have one life, but you can have two dinners.
Courtney Austen Brown
